Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Often my soul hits me like a hard wave with some random complaints.
I might be working, thinking, planning,
Or blabbering about some trivial topic at that time
My soul says that I stopped thinking.
How could it happen?
After that's what I am doing all the time.
Again it says that I stopped reflecting on myself.
I stopped understanding my dreams, my goals, and my fears ad myself.
I don't want to let it continue anymore because it's hurting me.
It's pushing me into unknown depths where I would be losing myself
And have to wander like a missing child.
It makes me sad.
It shows my past.
It laughs at my present.
It expects some progress between every today and yesterday.
It challenges my future.
It jests at my busy schedule.
It demands explanations.
It questions my plans.
It asks for too much.
I don't want to let it control me any more.
I don't want so much complexity in my life.
I want just very simple and serene life.
I want to be happy.
Then it asks me "What makes you happy?”
Then too many answers whirl around my mind enough to drive me crazy
And make me say I dun no.
It simply says "Know yourself to make your life simple and happy".
Friday, November 23, 2007
My father teaches poor children of our neighborhood. One day I saw a new face along with other children. He might be of 6-7 years old. He sat with a dull expression, showing no interests for studies.
Later my father told me about him. He is from very poor family. His parents do construction work with no educational background and naturally they want their son to study and settle well in life. But this guy doesn’t want to go to school. He is known as very stubborn and bad boy. He collects garbage and waste iron pieces and sells them. He spends that money on his own and obviously he finds it very enjoyable at his age. I was really surprised. How could a guy of 7 years old think only of earning and spending money?
My father tried to convince to go to school. According to my father, even some of neighbors tried with no success. He simply ignored all. One day my father was teaching him numbers forcibly. Beside him there was one small girl sitting. This time I tried to make him go to school. Our conversation went on like this.
Me: What is your name?
Me: Why don’t you go to school? You can have good friends in school.
He: I already have.
Me: You can earn money and live happily
He: I am already earning
Me: You can earn more than that.
He: I don’t want
Our conversation went on like this with my “possibilities’ and his “turndowns”. Feeling tired with this, I started asking about the small girl.
Me: Who is she?
He: My younger Sister
Me: Do you like her?
Me: do you want to take good care of her after you grow up?
Me: How can you do it with out studies or job?
He kept silent. He might be thinking of Telugu heroes who do it right from their childhood without even going to school.
Me: study well. You’ll get a good job. Then you can look after your sister.
Still He was silent. Finally I gave up for then. Might be he is too young to understand what I am trying to tell him.
Days went by. Hemanth stopped coming to our home. I asked my father about him. My father said that he was going to school happily. Even though we don’t want to admit, appearances and behaviors can deceive and everybody is good in their own way, very tender and sensitive inside.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Usually I go to temples for the serene n quite environment. But my mother’s insisted that I should come to temple as it is Diwali. It is lord venkateswara’s temple. There are more than 100 devotees in the temple and temple is relatively small for that many people. I am trying my level best to have a glimpse of god through the huge crowd. Poojari is in the middle of the crowd. It is time for him to bless ignorant devotees. People think that he is as powerful as god as he is messenger of god. So they should definitely please him. The most pleasing factor in this world is “MONEY”. People, who hesitate to give one rupee to poor beggar, started pouring money into our poojari’s plate and falling on his feet to hear his blessings. It’s pity that they blindly believe that his mere blessings would make them prosperous and happy. Any ways there will be somebody who takes advantage of our ignorance. Here that somebody is our poojari, who knows making most out of people’s ignorance more than any body else on this earth.
So he applied a new strategy instantly. If you give less than 5 rupees, you don’t deserve his blessings. He says “later”. If you give 10, you are lucky enough to hear one blessing. If you give, you will be showered with numerous blessings. It doesn’t matter to him whether they are relevant to you or not. His idea filled his plate with money within minutes. Nobody is interested in our poor god but only in poojari and his blessings. Our poor god is witnessing this silently. He might even have got doubt that whether these people have come for him or his poojari…? God only knows.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
It happened two years back. Whenever I remember it, it lights up a little grin on my face and charges me up with new vigor. I started my career as a IT trainee right after finishing engineering. That time our batch attitude was some thing like “We don’t want to study any more”.
Our company brought one trainer, Kamal from Srilanka. He was introduced to all of us. He was quite simple and calm person. Seeing his cool nature, we thought he was so lenient that he would not observe our crazy acts. But we never thought this trainer was going to teach us the most valuable lesson.
We used to sleep, chat and play games during training hours. Those things neither distracted him nor made him angry. Even though we were so annoying and undisciplined, he really wanted to help us.
Gradually we started paying attention to his lessons. He had earned a lot of respect from all of us. We liked him a lot. He gave us extremely valuable suggestions related to both personal and professional life. In this industry nothing is lasting. His part of training came to ending. Time came for send-off.
On his final day he warned us "Hey guys. You better bit careful. Your next trainer is going be very tough when compared to me". Our reaction to his words was some thing like “oh god this guy knows everything”. That day he shared his personal experiences. He spoke about his career. He talked about his successes, failures, fortunes and misfortunes ardently. He showed us his family album. First his wife's photograph and then two cute and sweet baby's photos. He said that they were his twins and these photos were taken right after their delivery.
We said “wow kamal, so lucky. Two in one”.
At that moment he paused for a second to take a deep breath. After that he said that only one baby survived and second baby died after ten days. The air of our room got changed suddenly. Our expressions were showing it. We were really upset and feeling terrible. We were so sorry for our beloved trainer.
We said "we are sorry kamal" with heavy hearts.
Surprisingly he asked “why sorry” smiling radiantly. God gave me one cute and wonderful baby. Don't tell me to feel distressing about one of the beautiful moments of life. What a great attitude?
That incident stood as an example for one of the quotes I read long time back. “Happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think.”
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Every day I feel that I am going to do something really worthwhile. Most of the times I forget my first thought and get busy with my daily routine. Some times I really try to do and feel so frustrated for not being able to do. Very rarely I do what I want to do. I know I love my self when I lose myself in some vague thoughts and come out with one beautiful poem or some meaningful words. I know I want to be caring, loving and I feel good about myself when help others.
I don't know what's stopping me to do so. But I know one thing for sure. If I let my everyday go just like this, these days will become months, then years and make me feel that I am useless. I don't want to give that power to my everyday. I hate this everyday for showing me stupid, for giving me enemies and for not giving me what I want. Still my everyday never blames me that it's my fault. It never complains that I never appreciate what I have. It never argues with me that it gave me wonderful life, people and so many opportunities. It comes and goes quietly. It's me who wasted its seconds, minutes and hours.
Still it has faith in me. This everyday comes to me everyday hoping that I would get power from it and make my self more strong, understanding and my life more meaningful. It is waiting for me to be happy and appreciate how beautiful this world is because it's my day. It born for me. It is only for me with all its precious gifts. But all these every days are limited for everybody. After losing so many precious days, we may realize its worth. We may want those days back. They won't. We may want more days. They can't. So let's not complain. Let us not wait for others to make our days beautiful .Let us take care of our everyday and be who really we are.